How to Deal With Naysayers, Critics and Negative People?

If you are making a positive change in your life, career or business you will face push back. It can come from unexpected quarters. It can be well intentioned, ill-conceived or just plain nasty.

Criticism can be demoralizing. Being surrounded by doubters can sap your confidence and erode your drive. At worst, criticism can get ugly and personal. Consuming ever more of your energy, distracting you from achieving your goals.

Being able to decode “real” advice that helps you course correct from noise is vital. Understanding what motivates your critic is often a good guide how to deal with them and points they have raised.

Not all criticism is bad. Positive feedback is gold dust. It can help you refine your ideas, approach or goals. However, there is gulf between those that seek to coach or advise and those who denigrate.

Here are three strategies to understand, interpret and deal with different types of naysayers, nit pickers and negative critics.

1. Naysayers. “But you can’t…”

Naysayers are people who surround you and who seek to dissuade you from change. They can come up with all of “reasons” why you should not change. Why you should not grow and do something you are passionate about.

Often “naysayers” can be those closest to you, trusted friends, colleagues and even family members. Their intentions probably are not malicious. Instead, they might mean well. They are trying to shield you from disappointment, rejection or failure.

However, it can seem like these people are trying to hold you back. They can come up with countless “reasons” why you should not change, take the risk or grow. It is important to recognize that their doubts are fueled by their own fears.

If they do not harbour any ill intent, patience could be the best strategy. Change is a process, not a snap event. It can be based on clear decision but it consistent action taken that bring it to life.

Small humble steps –clear demonstrations you are committed- can often transform naysayers into your greatest supporters. Momentum can overawe most doubters.

As you or your company grows you will notice that your peer group expands and changes. New peers help immunize you from doubt. Being around people with similar goals and aspirations boosts your confidence in the possible.

Fuelled by new peers and progress toward your transformation you might even turn your naysayers into your biggest fans and inspire them toward their own change.

2. Nit Pickers. “It will never work because…”

All ideas have flaws. People trying to better themselves will stumble. Entrepreneurs cannot get every decision right. Your logic will always have holes.

At this point “nit pickers” enter the fray. Confident of their infallibility, they are skilled at finding the “gaps” in your thinking, passion or ambition.

Nit pickers like to irritate, poke holes and push down those they disagree with. Rather than support, explore, add to an idea, they claim pin pricks are yawning chasms.

Nit pickers should not be confused with the value of debate. Debate is the ferment of greater understanding.

However, nit pickers focus on an obscure or unrelated detail. Many nit pickers are driven by high degree for the need for certainty. To prove they are “right” and need to “score” points.

However, your personal and business goals are not an abstract scoreboard. Progress is a tangible change. It might be humble but it is progress.

Nit pickers are a detraction. Pulling your focus away from achieving your goals. Sift through the flotsam of points, to make sure there are not valuable ideas or concepts, then discard the rest.

3. Negatives and Malicious Critics “You will never do it…”

Critics that come from a place of negativity. They are energy thieves. They seek to sap your enthusiasm. Stifle your creativity. Squash your confidence.

In many cases, negative critics are deeply pessimistic people. They do not like to see other people succeed and claim unfair advantages in those that do.

Mixed with this pessimism is a high degree of passivity. Their inaction or inability to create change stokes self-importance and even anger.

Most negative critics are harmless: venting steam. Often is not about you but them. There are using you as a means to channel their own frustrations.

However, others can be more malicious. Blowhards in love with their own sense of righteous. Negative people who seek to pull you down to their own level. Degrade you into mudslinging.

Unfortunately, digital world has democratized the ability to insult without consequences. Everyone has bull horn. Those that hit “Reply all…” in the office gives some such a callow sense of power.

However, such words are fleeting. Criticism may sting and even leave scars but rarely does irreparable damage.

Engage negative critics will caution. They feed on the oxygen of reaction. Remember you can never berate and influence at the same time. You cannot “win” the argument, instead it will often spiral downward in new levels of unpleasantness.

Instead, focus your words on the wider audience. How you respond is a mark of your leadership. Be generous, where you can, but take the higher road.

In the last instance dealing with naysayers, nick pickers and critics is a good thing. It is proof you are making change, making waves. While some people will come around to your aspirations, others will never be converts. That’s fine. All change humble or huge is always driven by one who inspires others.

People that grow –who create a better version of themselves- always inspire fear, envy and admiration. Those closest to you might not be able to see or appreciate your desire or dreams at first. But they can catch on.

Thank you for reading my post.

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About the Author

Simon Trevarthen is Founder and Chief Inspiration Officer of Elevate Your Greatness (EYG). EYG helps individuals, teams, and organizations unpack the secrets of success by becoming even better versions of themselves through dynamic keynotes, seminars, and workshops on innovation, inspiration and presentation excellence.

Learn more about Elevate Your Greatness see www.elevateyourgreatness.com

Follow EYG on Twitter: @Simon Trevarthen